'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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