So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
