last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
