just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
