I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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