We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
