I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
