CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
