I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
