Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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