I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
