Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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