i don't like sucking hair
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
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