epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
