I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
