somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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