I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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