I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My liver just had a heart attack.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
