he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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