I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Pooping to opera.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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