Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Someone came in the potted fern
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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