I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
