i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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