My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
