Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
