Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
