Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
