Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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