Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
