Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
