I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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