First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
