Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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