Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
