There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
