All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
