I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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