Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Randomize
