This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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