She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
