dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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