how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
