I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
