I think i sorta joined a cult last night
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
