i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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