so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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