I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
