i just had sex bonerless
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
