does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
