hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
