It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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