just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
