i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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