Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He called his prostate his "boner button".
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
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