last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
