suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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